jasmine loke is usually optimistic, happy-go-lucky, and nothing can get me down for long. prior to today i was still bothered by certain issues, but on hindsight i feel dumb for letting those thoughts occupy my mind.
only today, then i truly realize how fragile life is. seeing somebody close to you who used to be loud and full of energy now bedridden, quiet and sad. it was just like a knife piercing through my heart. i couldnt at all control my tears when i saw my godpa in so much pain. they just kept flowing non stop. and i had to hear him tell my godma stuff which sounded like his last words.
the sorrow is just beyond what words can describe. i was terribly upset, and so were the other family members. but at least we were all there for each other. seeing how he was struggling to talk, semi struggling to stay alive and vomitting in between words pains each and every one of us present. we dont know how long he can last, but we can only pray for him.
there used to be somebody i could depend on to cheer me up and listen to me cry, but now i can only depend on myself. and keep acting tough in front of my relatives.
i know sulynn will tell me, jas you are strong. yes mentally im strong. and i believe i can tide through this tough period, with or without support.
i just needed somewhere to voice my thoughts and continue crying as i look at the screen. ignore me.